One of my favorite all time passages from The Bible is that of the women caught in adultery; pious tradition and some of the Saints have maintained that this public sinner was indeed Mary Magdalene, in fact – Pope Gregory announced that Mary Magdalene was the woman caught in adultery in John 8, the sinful woman who washed Jesus’ feet in Luke 7, and was the sister of Martha and Lazarus. Therefore, the words from Our Lord to this poor woman, in relation to what and whom Mary Magdalene became, is even more remarkable: “…And Jesus said: Neither will I condemn thee. Go, and now sin no more.” (John 8:11) For, immediately after her healing, St. Mary Magdalene never left the inner circle of Christ’s most devoted followers: becoming one of the few witnesses at the Crucifixion. Again, according to tradition, she fled persecution in Judea and sailed for France where she became a hermitess.
I have always maintained that St. Mary Magdalene or the woman caught in adultery is the perfect model for those wanting to leave a life of sexual excess – especially for homosexuals; as the transformation in Mary was radical and complete: she left everything behind and started to follow Christ: she didn’t maintain ties, hold on to old associations, or cling to labels and faulty modes of thinking. Sorrowfully, today, many are not as Blessed, or willing to humble themselves – as Mary did at the feet of Christ. They want to see Jesus, but they want to hang back – hidden amongst the throng. They long for redemption, but can not abandon all that they were to the past and to forgiveness; they are like the wife of Lot – they run away from Sodom, but continually turn back for just one more look. They want Jesus Christ, but they also want the world; only, they can never have both. It’s one or the other.
When Christ took pity upon me, I knew it was all over – it was just over and done with; I never would have imagined tagging myself gay, or extolling the minuscule and narrow virtues that an existence so lost and disgusting ever held. Imagine Mary Magdalene ruminating about the few brief moments of spurious happiness she had back in whoredom; or preserving her former good-time-girl moniker. Like Mary, my shift was extreme – for me, the whole gay thing was just evil – and, for so many years, it kept me away from Christ; it cost the lives of many dear friends, and almost took my own. Call me a former-homosexual, ex-gay, even a penitent, but never ever call me gay.