“…he was lost, and is found:” Advice for the parents of “gay” children

2016-03-21T22:16:36+00:00November 3rd, 2015|Blog, Outreach|

About the parable of “the prodigal son,” St. John Paul once wrote: “The parable indirectly touches upon every breach of the covenant of love, every loss of grace, every sin.” For the parents of “gay” children, the story of “the prodigal son” serves not so much as a guide, but as an exploration of the possibilities.

The youngest son of an apparently well to do family, owing to the fact that his father has many servants, at the onset, “the prodigal” is already willful, self-centered, and perhaps spoiled when he boldly asks for his inheritance – even before the death of his father. Yet, this is most likely not the first time they have had trouble with this child – evidenced by the very hard intransigent line of unforgiveness exhibited by the faithful older son; even when the inherent boy finally does return alive. This is not a well family, there is: defiance, jealousy, and perversity; before he ever left home, the youngest son already had a taste for sexual excess – as he almost immediately blows all his fortunes on partying and prostitutes. Therefore, “the prodigal” was neither naive nor innocent from the get-go.

In the family that creates a “gay” child – similarly, by the time that boy or girl “comes out” and simultaneously demands acceptance and respect, it is frequently after an already tumultuous and dysfunctional childhood; there were always signs: from the seemingly innocuous – like an over-sensitivity or nervousness to the more extreme cases of gender dysphoria or molestation. Oftentimes, these situations are left to get only worse. Demanding inheritance and asserting one’s “gayness” are almost one in the same; they are both based on a delusion of who we are and what we deserve; for “the prodigal” there is only the turnaround of orientation when he is humbled and says: “I am not now worthy to be called thy son.” But, before this, the father had little choice – even after surrendering to his son’s demands; then, after a few days – he simply lets his son go. Because, a life of delusion, of being “gay,” will always take precedence over everything – even God; one’s own health and self-survival will also take a backseat to the inner drive towards “gay,” as homosexual men in particular continue to put their lives at risk, amidst the ongoing crisis of HIV, with uninterrupted promiscuity causing infection rates to rise and creating the environment for the reintroduction of syphilis and even a new and deadly strain of antibiotic resistant gonorrhea.1

As difficult as it may be – watching as your son or daughter walks away, possibly to their death, yet, its the only thing you can do. You can give them everything that they ask for, but, it’s not going to make them happier, safer, or make them un-gay. Also, accepting someone’s “gayness” is not a guarantee that they will choose a more ordinary sort of “gay” lifestyle or one that includes so-called “gay” monogamy, as even these choices are no safeguard against disease.2 Therefore, the best thing to do is to rededicate your life to your children – praying for them unceasingly, embracing all suffering, offering up the pain for their safety and for their conversion; in addition, regularly fasting for their sake, and asking others in the family to do the same. In that way, you become the father of “the prodigal son:” a lone sentry at home – praying, waiting, and expecting any day the return of your wayward child.

When, and if, they do return, you will be ready for them: to greet them, to bind their wounds, and to accept them back into the family. For the most part, your son or daughter will come back to you as a broken, beaten, and perhaps dying man or woman; they will not only need your love, but also your strength. Without it – they will be truly lost.

While, this “advice” may seem rather defeatist or even pessimistic, speaking from experience, once someone has already made up their mind about their own sexuality, about their own destiny, as did “the prodigal son,” it’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to dissuade them from something that they have their mind firmly set upon; therefore, as a parent, you will either give-in, and indulge them, or stand firm and bless them on their way; the father of “the prodigal,” should not be confused with the former, even though he gave away what was technically due to his son, because, after all, the boy did not bring harlots into the home – he didn’t start seriously whoring until he left the house of his father. At least, he knew that the home was still a place of sanity and semi-sacredness. Your home must remain that way as well. This is important, because, if – while your son or daughter is entrenched in the “gay” lifestyle, and, consequently, your home also becomes a haven of collusion and decadence, then – when things become difficult and desperate, when, they are literally sleeping with the pigs, your home will not be a bastion of hope and safety, but merely an anti-chamber of the same “gay” horror-house.

With that in mind, contact with your “gay” son or daughter will be strained, limited or entirely non-existent while they are in the “life.” Overall, this will be a great part of the suffering you will be required to endure in order to eventually save the one you love. But, always remember, the rewards will be great: for, one day, your tears will be transformed into shouts of joy – “for this thy brother was dead and is come to life again; he was lost, and is found.”

1. https://josephsciambra.com/2013/11/cdc-warns-of-super-std-that-could-dwarf.html
“Men who have sex with men have a 140-fold higher risk for newly diagnosed HIV and syphilis compared with heterosexual men in New York City.”
Pathela P, et al.
J Acquir Immune Defic Syndr. 2011 Dec 1;58(4):408-16.

2. “Young men who have sex with men (YMSM) in the United States are experiencing an alarming increase in HIV incidence. Recent evidence suggests that the majority of new HIV infections in YMSM occur in the context of serious relationships…”
“The effects of sexual partnership and relationship characteristics on three sexual risk variables in young men who have sex with men.”
Newcomb ME, et al.
Arch Sex Behav. 2014 Jan;43(1):61-72.

No Comments

  1. Anonymous November 3, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    There are many similarities to a family that is dealing with an addicted son or daughter. Thank you.

  2. Anonymous November 3, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Thanks Joseph – God Bless you! That hit home for me as a father of a transgender daughter…;-(

  3. Fanoftommore November 4, 2015 at 2:04 am

    This is really different advice from what people even priests give us, but this rings of truth. I will ponder your sage advice for a long time. Thank you. God bless you

  4. Julann Roe November 5, 2015 at 12:06 am

    God Bless you, Joseph. I love your every word. I went to see my daughter 3 weeks ago, 25 yrs old. She claimed she was gay 6 months ago. I went to see her in Alexandria, Virginia. During dinner she said she wanted to plant the rainbow flag on top of our house. I told her that would never happen. Things went down from there. We left the restaurant and she said she never wanted to see me again or speak with me again. I'm so thankful, so very, very thankful for you. I pray the rosary most days. I am so thankful for the orthodox Catholics. They give me hope.