To Truly Love a Gay Relative or Friend – Is to Say Goodbye

2017-04-13T06:46:49+00:00June 12th, 2015|Blog, Outreach, The Truth About "gay"|

When unsuspecting parents from Memphis, Tennessee found out one of their sons was gay, the devout Catholics offered up affirmation. “We made every effort to make it easier for him to come out,” the mother said.

“Majorities now say homosexuality should be accepted by society (63%) and that the sexual orientation of a gay or lesbian person cannot be changed (60%). Nearly half (47%) say that people are born gay or lesbian. These opinions represent a shift over the past decade…An overwhelming majority of the public (88%) reports personally knowing someone who is gay or lesbian. That is little changed since 2013, but much higher than in the early 1990s [61%.]”

These changing dynamics have perhaps inadvertently created the “coming out” phenomena amid ever young boys and girls: studies found that among homosexuals over 60, the average coming out age was 37; Millennials between 18 and 24 had an average coming out age of 17; now, it is 14. But, conversely, the willingness of parents, families, and relatives to unconditionally accept the lifestyle of a homosexual child, brother, or cousin has made it much “easier” for those afflicted with same-sex attraction to come-out and subsequently to remain in the gay world. It’s a situation in which one societal dynamic affected the other and vice versa; for instance, as gay culture increasingly became semi-sanitized and pushed into the forefront, often in the form of openly gay and bisexual swinging celebrities, actors, and musicians who idealize the homosexual lifestyle, families, and, hence children, became more accepting of homosexuality in general. As children became mind-warped by the plethora of gay imagery in the media, and parents who they themselves grew-up witnessing the bisexual antics of Madonna, became parents, bizarre families of blind acceptance fostered the creation of homosexual kids who come out unashamed and unafraid.

At what point does Christian charity become collaboration and facilitating? When Truth gives way to silence. This always happens after the ritual of coming-out; as the mere act of publically declaring homosexuality is a signal to everyone in the near orbit of the newly christened gay person to wholeheartedly accept them; those that resist are usually given an ultimatum and or then quickly banished. Especially for parents, the possibility of never seeing their children again is a punishment they cannot endure. So, they accept it. Those without struggle, find the acceptance part stress-free and comforting – after all, “they were born this way;” “it wasn’t my fault.” Then, for the most part, having an openly gay member of the family quickly changes all the familial undercurrents – creating a friendly haven for sexual dysfunction and disorder: “In a recent USA Today/Gallup Poll, when asked in an open-ended question why they back gay marriage, about one in 10 supporters cite friends or family members who are gay or lesbian.” For a precious few, threats of exclusion for not celebrating homosexuality are confronted with irresolute strength. I will never forget blowing into my parents’ home one weekend, in tow – a couple of friends from the Castro: I was sporting new tattoos, while one companion was multi-pierced and the other wearing a t-shirt sporting a lurid drawing of a half-naked man. My father very calmly took me aside and said in the most matter-of-fact voice: “don’t ever bring these people here again.” I said: “if they can’t be here – neither will I.”

A few years later, so sick I couldn’t walk out of the hospital, the only living souls who took me in, after all my so-called friends dumped me, were my parents. Sadly, for most gay men and women, they have no one – as every person in their lives bought into the gay lie. Therefore, the gay nightmare is never awoken from – as life becomes a forced sort of sleep with everyone constantly supplying them a daily ration of knock-out drugs. Family and friends, by never questioning or challenging the gay person think they are being tolerate, open-minded and yes – loving. This has also strangely become the case with otherwise sincere Christians who confuse compassion with aiding and abetting. Because, when we say nothing – we are saying that it’s okay. In such an atmosphere, homosexuality will thrive – as the absence of conflict drives the solidification of the gay mind-set in the sufferer. For instance, when I got into homosexuality, although my family was initially rather oblivious, my friends and the culture as a whole confirmed my feelings as righteous and good. Even in the midst of the AIDS crisis, as once beautiful young men collapsed and died all around me – everyone always had an answer to keep you tottering on the edge of death: “accept who you are;” “if you practice safe sex you will be fine;” “settle down with someone;” only, things didn’t seem right: this ever-present nagging sense of gloom and unhappiness never went away; but, I had no one to turn to. With that, I staid. Miraculously for me, I didn’t die. However, I fell hard and flat on my face – I was incredibly desperate; that same desperation had almost driven me to my death as I indulged in ever more insane sexual adventures; yet, this time, something was different; the urgency was focused towards the light and away from darkness. My parents, who had stood firm against the life I chose – provided me with a place to rest; when I could move again – I found a copy of “The Catechism” in their house. With regards to homosexuality: it was cutting and decidedly curt. But, it was what I needed. Without it, I may have licked my wounds for a while, and went right back to the hell hole I just got picked out of. What I read – was a beacon of Truth.

For the gay men and women in your life, be that ever-present lighthouse of Hope and Salvation; be a living representation of “The Catechism.” Tell them the Truth; be prepared – as they will rage and accuse you of everything from homophobia to outright hate. But, your strength will ensure that they always have someone to turn to – especially when the false glamour of homosexuality, and the easy promise of love, fades away and they are left scared and alone. Without you – they may die.


No Comments

  1. Jill June 13, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    Thank you for writing this. Your parents are very wise and strong. Thank God for them.

  2. Mom June 13, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Powerful. Thank you.

  3. Anonymous June 15, 2015 at 3:17 am

    My husband and I really enjoy your blog and this post in particular. We have a 28 year old son with SSA who is in a relationship with another man, which, as Catholics, we could never condone. At times the relationship we have with him is very trying. He gets so frustrated because we don't approve of what he is doing and then he shuts down and we don't hear from him for a few weeks. We attempt to keep lines of communication open but because we are the only ones who voice our concerns and disapprove of what he is doing, we are “judgmental” and intolerant. We just continue to pray and love him. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

  4. Anonymous June 15, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Hey, Joseph! I know you may get some nasty-grams for this post, but what you're staying certainly aligns with scripture. In I Corinthians, Paul admonished the church in Corinth to disassociate themselves from a member who was involved in another form of sexual perversion until he repented. Ironically, Christians' silent approval in these situations calls to mind the old slogan gays used to use back in the 90's in regards to the AIDS epidemic: Silence = Death.

  5. Joseph Sciambra July 14, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    I think you are doing the right thing by staying true to the Faith; remember gay people have countless “friends” who collaborate and celebrate the person’s “gayness” without every walking a day in the shoes of a homosexual; truly loving that gay person means never accepting something that they have become – not something they were meant by God to be; one day, and it may or may not happen soon, but every gay person reaches a crisis and contemplates getting out – then, they will need someone to turn to – and, it will be you.